friend: i’m getting mcdonalds you want anything?
me: i don’t have money
friend: it’s all good, i’ll pay
we Americans act really cocky and assholey about freedom to hide the fact that our government is crumbling and nobody is actually free so please give us this one day to be annoying about it
Kinda feel bad for poor Americans now. A bit like the asshole kid who you realise is only acting like that cuz their parents are cruel and neglectful.
That’s painfully accurate.
i’m basically “pro-do whatever you want as long as you’re enjoying yourself and not hurting other people”
Imagine having braces during the apocalypse. no one can take your braces off. And you just have to accept that you’ll have braces forever.
i want a novel focused around a character with braces during the apocalypse and the entire plot of the story revolves around their search for an orthodontist who is still alive and they sort of accidentally save the world in the process
Titled: Brace for It.
I glanced at this one girl for a second and smiled and she smiled back and her boyfriend like grabbed her and pulled her and started making out with her and she seemed not into it and I was like wow straight guys are so sensitive and weird lol like I don’t wantcha girl but I do want ha dress and the number to whoever did her nails cuz she is en pointe tonight
So I speak fluent Italian and me and my bf were about to have sex and he was like ‘talk dirty to me in Italian, babe’ but I didn’t really know what to say, so I just started reciting the lyrics to Bohemian Rhapsody in a really sudective voice and I didn’t even get through the entire song before he cummed